Long Distance Relationships

When communication options are limited due to geographic distance and the participants in the relationship seek a sustained, close connection, it is dubbed a long distance relationship (or LDR for short).

Do You Know...

• At any given moment, 25 percent to 50 percent of college students are in an LDR.

• 75% of college students have been in an LDR at some time.

Do Long Distance Relationships Work?

They absolutely do!!! However, maintaining a healthy relationship involves effort on both sides of the equation.

Before the Separation

Prior to the separation, it is critical to establish the relationship's norms and parameters. If one spouse feels the relationship is casual and open while the other makes sacrifices and puts effort into a monogamous relationship, problems might occur. Engage in open and honest conversation about the separation and address what each of you wants from the relationship to avoid such uncertainty.

Important Traits for LDR Couples

Trust - In order for an LDR to succeed, both sides must trust each other. It's especially vital in a long-distance relationship since there's always the worry that your spouse may fall in love with someone else. Doubt, envy, suspicion, and paranoia may all result from a lack of trust.

Commitment - Without commitment, it's tough to put in the effort required to make an LDR work. The temptation to cheat may be too alluring for those who aren't fully devoted to their relationship.

Independence - Due to the extended duration of separation, it is beneficial for both partners to have some independence. It's tough to rely on one another for fulfillment and happiness in long-distance relationships. Couples who have their own group of acquaintances and engage in interesting pastimes may fare better than those who are overly reliant on one another.

Organization - It's beneficial for LDR couples to be highly organized so that they can arrange time for each other into their daily schedules.

Pros and Cons to a LDR

Pros

• Appreciate the separation so that you can concentrate on school and each other while you're together.

• Autonomy and freedom

• When you see your lover in person, you feel revitalized.

• Regarding the partnership, I'd want to express my gratitude.

• Those in close proximity relationships are well rested.

• Academically, you should improve.

Cons

• There's a lot of pressure to make sure that the time spent together is of excellent quality.

• Pressure to avoid squabbles

• When you're separated again, you're disappointed or upset to have to return to your normal routine.

• without a partner's lifestyle

• Distance can sometimes create too much of a chasm.

• Loneliness heightens the desire for safety.

• Maintaining closeness is difficult.

Tips for Success

• Set up phone dates and treat them the same way you would a physical date.

• Send letters and e-mails.

• Call your spouse at random, even if it's only for two minutes, to see how they're doing.

• Small, personal, and thoughtful presents can delight your lover.

• Send a personal item that your spouse will see on a regular basis and will quickly remind them of you.

• Maintain open lines of communication with your partner.

• Let us know what you have planned for the following week.

• Have a movie date by renting the same film.

• Together, look at the sky and chat about it over the phone.

• Purchase the same book and debate it as a group.

• Send a letter or stuffed animal with your cologne or perfume sprinkled on it.

• Send a plant to each other to care for.

• Take a look at webcam dates.

• Pay a visit to your partner

Endure the Distance

While missing someone might be unpleasant, annoying, and depressing at times, you'll find that you can handle it. Even though you miss your spouse, accepting the distance and focusing your attention on things you can control is natural and healthy. You are able to...

• Participate in campus activities.

• Join a group.

• Visit a cinema theater to see a film in a genre that your companion dislikes.

• Participate in social activities.

• Study.

• Make new acquaintances.

• Visit a museum.

You can do a million things, and the more you do, the more you'll have to discuss with your spouse the next time you chat.

Rules of the Road

The standards that two individuals in a long-distance relationship must follow must reflect what both parties desire and can handle. The ability to follow through on your commitments is crucial. 

If you're in an LDR, think about the rules you've previously set. What's working for you? What isn't there? What would you like to alter? Is there anything you're hesitant to tell your partner about yourself?

The regulations you agreed to won't mean anything if they aren't followed. You may quickly experience anger if you consented because you were forced or didn't want to lose your companion.

You should only commit to stop seeing other people if you and your partner are both certain that this is what you want from your relationship. Consider the following:

• Do I think I'm ready to swear I won't see anybody else?

• Do I believe it will be difficult for me to attend a social function and feel as if I am not permitted to make any other relationships?

• Is it possible that this will lead to me meeting new individuals and going against my partner's wishes?

• Will I feel enslaved or resentful?

This relates to your personal sense of preparedness. Making commitments you can't or don't want to keep merely to keep the relationship isn't fair to either of you.

Tip: Don't stay in a long-distance relationship simply because it's comfortable.

Secret Tips for Success

• You must remember to play together in order to stay together.

• Almost all "why" queries elicit a defensive response. Instead of giving yes or no replies, ask actual questions to extract fresh information.

• Think about your partner's motivations. "Do I honestly feel my partner wanted to injure me?" you might wonder. Then talk about how both people acted and how you can act differently next time.

• Remove the terms "always, always, never, and forever" from your conversation.

• Get in the habit of saying "sorry." It's a crucial aspect of moving forward after a disagreement.

• Talk a lot and a lot of the time. To be successful, you must be able to communicate effectively.

• If you live on college in a co-ed resident hall, be cautious about dating your roommate.

"Long distance relationships are emotionally challenging, but if you can make it, they are also worth it."