Why do we blame other people?

1. Blaming others is easy

Blame means less effort since we don't have to be held accountable when we blame. It's the polar opposite of being accountable and all of the labor that takes. 

2. Blame means you don’t have to be vulnerable.

We don't have to be vulnerable if we don't have to be accountable. 

"By definition, accountability is a fragile process. It implies I'll contact you and tell you how this has hurt my feelings, and we'll speak about it.... People who place a lot of blame on others seldom have the tenacity and fortitude to hold others accountable.... and this is one of the reasons we miss out on opportunities for empathy."

3. Blaming others feeds your need for control.

Not blaming someone requires you to acknowledge that there was a time when you did not act in a manner that you are proud of. To put it another way, you were a touch out of control. Not blaming someone also entails listening to their side of the story, which is something you can't control.

But if you blame someone, you have complete control over the tale, both past and future — they're evil, thus things happened the way they did, and it's all their responsibility, so you don't have to deal with it any more.

4. Blame unloads backed up feelings

Do you have a tendency to hide your feelings, or do you think you'll never get unhappy, or that you're the "laid-back placid type"? Do you, on the other hand, prefer to place blame on others when things go tough? It's probable that you're blaming others to release the anguish that you're experiencing but suppressing. And though unloading might be a huge relief, you may be blaming a lot for this reason.

5. Blame protects your ego.

In some ways, blame is a type of status-seeking social comparison. Blaming someone puts you in the driver's seat, making you feel more important and like the 'good' guy instead of the 'evil' one.

Of course, some people utilize victimization to justify their actions. This is still an ego play, because being in 'poor me' mode means you get everyone else's attention while being the 'nice' person.

Using blame to feel superior or being a victim both stem from a lack of self-esteem. It's possible that the question to ask isn't so much 'why am I blaming,' but rather 'why do I feel so horrible about myself that I need to blame others to feel better?'

What are you losing out on by blaming?

If you think that blame isn't anything to be concerned about, think again. Blaming others might affect your life and personality in the long run.

Here's what you stand to lose if you don't act now —

1. Your personal growth.

Blame is a kind of defense. And continually defending ourselves is essentially a part-time job that also prevents us from learning and growing from what others have to give.

2. Your power.

You are basically making yourself weak by blaming everything on others. Consider this: if everything is someone else's fault, you don't have the authority to alter anything since they are in charge.

3. Your empathy.

You are also avoiding speaking truly about how you feel and embracing and listening to how others feel if you use blame to avoid accountability. You are unlikely to acquire empathy for others if you constantly avoid this powerful, sensitive act of bargaining and speaking. In fact, studies suggest that narcissists are more likely than others to blame others because of their self-obsessed traits.

4. Healthy relationships.

Because blaming avoids good communication, which is necessary for relationships to develop, it's not unexpected that blamers are less likely to have great connections with others. Blaming others is a natural method to put others down, therefore it's also a good way to push people away or create a toxic climate where there's no trust and the other person can't relax because they're always being evaluated and undervalued.

5. Your positive influence on others and yourself.

A recent research discovered that blame is infectious. Those around you are more inclined to turn around and blame others if you blame. In other words, both at work and at home, you are spreading the inclination to avoid responsibility to people around you. Consider the ramifications, especially if you have small children or are in a leadership position where people look up to you.

Furthermore, you are having a detrimental impact on yourself. Blamers were shown to be more ego protective and insecure on a long-term basis. As a result, the more you blame, the worse your feeling of self-worth becomes.